tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23223111457987482642024-02-07T14:00:32.217-05:00Life on the EdgeThe search to understand and love my place in this Universe.Pamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13275584099947927815noreply@blogger.comBlogger59125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2322311145798748264.post-61870564157989892722013-10-20T11:25:00.001-04:002013-10-20T11:30:13.020-04:00Goodbye Facebook Games, Hello Real Life, yet again
It's been a few months since I've done a blog entry. Months spent Facebook gaming, which is my habit when I just want to ignore real life for a while. Lately the traumas and dramas of my real life have again become so profuse that they force me to look at them if I hope to survive. The Facebook games become, of course, a nuisance, too far removed from real life that they indeedPamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13275584099947927815noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2322311145798748264.post-51372773676951916062013-04-25T10:11:00.001-04:002013-04-25T10:11:20.519-04:00The Wedding Gift
It's not the object, but the person attached to it, that sometimes makes us cling to an item that others may see no value in. Such is the tall cocktail glass that I lovingly washed this morning.
The glass was a wedding gift from my Aunt Arlene. It's going on 37 years old now. It's the last of a set of four. Some of the detail is missing from its bottom edge. But I Pamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13275584099947927815noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2322311145798748264.post-28017385079654750942013-04-24T10:25:00.000-04:002013-04-24T10:25:21.513-04:00I AM So Blessed
This morning I pulled out my bag of journals, hoping to find and connect with the moments that Spirit spoke with me, brought me Peace and filled me with love and joy. I haven't given up the thought of pulling some of the most inspiring together to make a book to share with others.
As I looked through the journals I found also the odd pieces of paper with a scribbled note, a song lyric, orPamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13275584099947927815noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2322311145798748264.post-68615668265114945042013-01-04T11:52:00.000-05:002013-01-04T11:52:30.531-05:00Taken Care Of
So, this morning my angels gave me "Silent Night". My mornings take a couple hours for me to waken from my stupor and begin the day. Often when I wake the strains of some song are playing through my mind. I've learned to let them play, while I wait to receive the message that they are meant to impart.
The last week contained some very difficult circumstances for me, of whichPamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13275584099947927815noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2322311145798748264.post-67693657564931148122012-11-16T13:25:00.003-05:002012-11-16T13:25:17.906-05:00Champagne Appetite on a Beer Pocketbook
"You've got a champagne appetite on a beer pocketbook". That was one of my mother's favorite sayings to me over the years. Depending on the mood I was in at the time, it was met with mild irritation or outright self-righteous anger.
Who the hell was she?! (to comment on me). This is MY life, and my decision, and DAMMIT, I have the right to have something nice. I Pamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13275584099947927815noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2322311145798748264.post-43320148598766894082012-11-13T06:24:00.000-05:002012-11-14T23:37:33.016-05:00The Solution
Is there something in your life that is not working? A person you encounter, an addiction you have, a difficult circumstance that never seems to change? Perhaps the problem lies not in that person, thing, or recurring problem.
There is never a time, a place, or a circumstance where love is absent. If it seems that there is, then we have forgotten, and chosen incorrectly.  Pamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13275584099947927815noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2322311145798748264.post-3876707790939415262012-11-11T09:33:00.003-05:002012-11-13T18:15:31.246-05:00The End Days?
Are these the End Days of which the Old and New Testament authors (and other traditions) spoke? The turmoil of today's world is something we often speak about and question in our house, as it seems many others around the world do also.
Last evening Patrick brought home a video series given him by a friend who is 'deeply into' the ideas expressed in them. Patrick was also excited, Pamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13275584099947927815noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2322311145798748264.post-77394608866139443152012-10-28T23:50:00.000-04:002012-11-13T18:17:49.090-05:00As I Believe
I decided long ago
Never to walk in anyone's shadow
If I fail, If I succeed
At least I'll live as I believe
No matter what they take from me
They can't take away my dignity
Because the Greatest Love of all is easy to achieve....
I found the Greatest Love of all inside in me.....
Learning to Love yourself is the Greatest Love of all.
The lyrics listed above may not be exactly Pamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13275584099947927815noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2322311145798748264.post-81211088531256180122012-09-18T09:06:00.001-04:002012-09-18T09:06:46.701-04:00Security and Comfort
Last night I read through most of my old blog entries and thought 'my God! no wonder I was so debilitated! the things we've been through!'
I began the blog in 2009 when I became active on Facebook and the mental health communities scattered around the internet. Eventually that fell away, as did my posting to the blog. Life sent me another huge upset and I retreated to the Pamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13275584099947927815noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2322311145798748264.post-28226426741442846062012-09-17T10:40:00.002-04:002012-09-17T10:40:22.404-04:00Everything Old is New Again
This morning I posted to Facebook a link to an entry from two years ago entitled "Transitions". In that entry I said I was no longer going to define myself as 'mentally ill' and by the specific labels placed upon me by that diagnosis.
hmmmm.... It seems that didn't happen, as I realize I still label myself as such, using PTSD as a convenient explanation for who I am, what I am, where I Pamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13275584099947927815noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2322311145798748264.post-35668876523034846052012-09-15T10:10:00.000-04:002012-09-15T10:38:45.326-04:00Hurt
The extremity of hurt teaches us that this is something we do not want to do.
Whether it is placing our hand on a hot stove or speaking unkind words, the result of those actions can be very unpleasant.
The Universe is not mean. God is not unkind, but loving. However sometimes the Universe sends us what appears to be drastic and dramatic situations that hurt deeply - at times Pamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13275584099947927815noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2322311145798748264.post-47389513034942000052012-09-09T20:40:00.000-04:002012-09-09T20:40:12.133-04:00New Beginnings
After last night's entry I am convinced of two things: It is time for me to begin writing in my blog again and....
It is time to count my blessings.
First and foremost is the blessing that I have my husband with me again. The three years that we had to live apart because of his work were very painful for me. Some of that is detailed in prior entries here. He is the love Pamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13275584099947927815noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2322311145798748264.post-83313923918840763982012-09-08T21:49:00.000-04:002012-09-08T21:49:06.781-04:00A Weird Freakin Day
So, it's 9pm. I am feeling drained...
but healed, I think. Yes, quite a bit healed.
This morning began with me getting quite a bit scared, upset over the current political situation again. So upset for all of us that I felt the need to scream (post in all caps) on Facebook about it, in order to get a conversation going.
That happened and it went pretty well. But Pamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13275584099947927815noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2322311145798748264.post-15028324793441457632012-08-08T08:47:00.000-04:002012-08-08T08:47:29.249-04:00Bullshit Arguments
Last evening my oldest son, Patrick, and I had a "discussion" that turned heated argument. This morning we're still avoiding each other.
It will come around. It always does, because of the love we have for each other. Sometimes I wish that result could come around sooner... BUT, we're working on it. Oh God, how we work on it! (lol)
In many ways we are so much the samePamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13275584099947927815noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2322311145798748264.post-28687837176971535802011-07-23T03:55:00.000-04:002012-11-14T23:01:49.952-05:00On a Day of 100 Degree Heat
This was my day... and why I am up at 2:11 AM.
It’s been almost 3 years since we lost our last home. How many “homes” have we had? Tonight it feels like none. In reality, the places have been like, thirty. They all string in together – with an occasional, short-lived, happy memory somewhere in the background.
I don’t know what’s right or wrong anymore. I Pamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13275584099947927815noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2322311145798748264.post-17252573734554562402010-10-07T08:07:00.000-04:002010-10-07T08:07:28.085-04:00The Second Coming of ChristSometimes I receive what I feel to be "inspired writings". I haven't taken the time to explain my experiences with that fully here yet, but I will speak more of it in the future. Yesterday morning the following came from me so quickly, with such ease, that I can only call it inspired. I'll have more to say later.
_______________________________________________________
The Pamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13275584099947927815noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2322311145798748264.post-18449454587974813392010-08-24T18:48:00.000-04:002012-11-13T18:46:27.963-05:00For Those that Hurt
I'm back home now after visiting with Frank a while. Well, in the trailer that we rent. Alone and lonely again. The emptiness and four walls closed in pretty quickly. I'm thinking about moving back to more familiar territory. Not that that will make a huge difference, but it's something to think about.
Unfortunately, that thinking led to confusion and anxiety. Pamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13275584099947927815noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2322311145798748264.post-62189939327477889122010-08-23T11:11:00.000-04:002010-08-23T11:11:25.116-04:00What if No one Answered?Everywhere I turn, it's No. Can't do that, won't work, invisible wall, brick wall, stop sign.
There's an alternative, a solution, for every problem they say. The problem for me seems to be that for each alternative there is a reason it won't work, can't work, isn't the right time, or I simply don't have the ability.
I'm stuck - have been stuck - for almost 10 years now - staring at Pamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13275584099947927815noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2322311145798748264.post-90947077406087665772010-08-08T11:22:00.001-04:002010-08-08T12:03:11.342-04:00Go, then, and Live these TruthsGo, then, and live these truths . . . that you may spread the joy, feel it in your heart, and know it in your mind. - Friendship With God by Neale Donald Walsch
Something good comes of everything, they say; and sometimes it takes crisis to bring about good. I often speak from generalized sayings, expressions, and cliches, I know. But the more I experience life and contemplate its Pamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13275584099947927815noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2322311145798748264.post-44953295735510147002010-07-15T09:02:00.000-04:002010-07-15T09:02:48.253-04:00Invictus - I am the Master of my FateRecently I watched the movie Invictus which starred Morgan Freeman as Nelson Mandela. Mandela spent almost 30 years in a South African prison, a victim of the oppression of apartheid. While in prison,Mr. Mandela lived the expression: "though you chain my body, you cannot control my mind and soul".
In the movie Mandela relates that when times were the worst, threatening to bring himPamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13275584099947927815noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2322311145798748264.post-18260464662792240962010-07-07T11:58:00.002-04:002010-07-08T16:17:09.532-04:00We're All OkayIf I could tell the world just one thing
It would beWe're all okayAnd not to worry
'cause worry is wasteful
in times like these
The above is a lyric from the song "Hands" on Jewel's CD entitled Spirit. I love Jewel's lyrics - which do shine with Spirit - expressing aspects of us all that I often contemplate - those places where we are wonderfully different and then again, those where we are Pamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13275584099947927815noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2322311145798748264.post-53473268689572757202010-05-25T16:01:00.001-04:002010-05-25T16:05:08.818-04:00Two Very Helpful but Controversial BooksDo you feel the eyes of the judgmental world upon you? I know I always have. It's a very large part of "my insecurity". I was embarrassed about what I looked like and areas where I was "inept". I didn't measure up...
People used to say: "You shouldn't feel like that". But I did. Eventually I came to own it, I wore it, like a thing. It Pamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13275584099947927815noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2322311145798748264.post-55567369439115795112010-05-09T07:27:00.002-04:002010-05-09T08:09:38.794-04:00Happy Mother's DayHappy Mother's Day!
It's 6:40 AM. I don't have much time. I'm headed for New Hampshire to share a Mother's Day meal with my Mom and Dad. A three hour trip, and it's SNOWING! May 9th... only in Vermont! Gotta love it....
I haven't seen Mom in two years. Very strange. Her love is unconditional. Always has been. I was the one that broke the bondPamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13275584099947927815noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2322311145798748264.post-45060019416945984252010-05-05T23:45:00.000-04:002010-05-05T23:45:17.915-04:00On Slowing Down and Quiet ContemplationThis evening I've spent almost an hour in quiet contemplation of what I might next post here. I decided it would be how wonderful that feels, to have come to a place where I can slowly and calmly contemplate life (or anything!)
In 1982, I began college. I had three babies at the time. Patrick was 4, Bethany 2 1/2, and Neil one. One morning as I prepared to leave, my niecePamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13275584099947927815noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2322311145798748264.post-76262788133072737662010-05-03T23:46:00.000-04:002010-05-03T23:46:29.371-04:00TransitionHello Everyone!!
In the month since I've last posted, life has been.... hmmmm.. Interesting shall we say :) There's been much transition and much introspection... often good.. sometimes uncomfortable...
The uncomfortable is not something I wish to focus on any longer.... at least not here. When it is necessary, or seems to grab me, I'm working on it, and I'm releasing the fear Pamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13275584099947927815noreply@blogger.com0