The Second Coming of Christ

Sometimes I receive what I feel to be "inspired writings".  I haven't taken the time to explain my experiences with that fully here yet, but I will speak more of it in the future.  Yesterday morning the following came from me so quickly, with such ease, that I can only call it inspired.  I'll have more to say later.

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The Second Coming of Christ

The time of the second coming of Christ is NOW. It doesn’t matter whether or not he is actually here in body. He IS and always has been with us in Spirit. This is the time in which people are taking to heart and mind the idea that if you will “draw neigh unto him, He will draw neigh unto you”. Now is the time of personal, direct communication with Jesus and those he sends as his messengers. These are angels and guides who have always been with us but only a select few have encountered. From those miracle encounters come stories of Divine Intervention and subsequent guidance to living a positive and productive life in Joy.

The second coming of Christ is the realization and the experience that having the Divine in our lives is not reserved for a “select few” but is and always has been the greatest desire of Jesus’ heart. It is the purpose of the “Holy Spirit” of which Jesus spoke, and is available to us all.

Jesus was a man who became The Christ through the Holy Spirit that exists within him. As the man/messenger to us all, he came to teach us that we are never separate from God – the aspects of the Divine that create our world and our lives. The building up of the holy forces within any person is only a matter of choice. It has never been a matter of whether or not they exist.

You do not have to live your life tossed by the wind and the storms, fearful of the next violent encounter that “fate” sends your way. You are not alone in this world, subject to the whims of some malevolent invisible force that delights in your misfortunes.

Indeed, it is just the opposite. The Divine, holy Force that creates our Universe does so with Love. As aspects of the Divine Force, we are given the greatest of gifts – the ability to also create through our own free will. Exactly “what” we create is our choice. We can co-create through the guidance of love, seeking always the highest and best that we can do – or we can make a world of seeming random circumstance, built from the belief that the Divine does not exist or play a part in our lives.

A truth of the Universe is this: that which you believe, you create.

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IMHO, regardless of how you view "God" or what ideology you follow, (even if you think you follow NO ideology) the question becomes:  Does what I choose serve the highest that is in me, not only for myself but also for others - our world?

For Those that Hurt

I'm back home now after visiting with Frank a while.  Well, in the trailer that we rent.  Alone and lonely again.  The emptiness and four walls closed in pretty quickly.  I'm thinking about moving back to more familiar territory.  Not that that will make a huge difference, but it's something to think about.

Unfortunately, that thinking led to confusion and anxiety. Wound up tight, my emotions rising with the hot frustration of hating this then sinking to the drowning desperation of hating this, I called Patrick hoping to change the subject and the energy flows that were engulfing me.  He obviously didn't want to talk to me.  Was my state of being that transparent?  Probably.  I could hear the edge in his voice as he said:  "What do you want?".  I said: "Never mind", hung up the phone, and broke into pieces.

After a good cry, some choking and gagging and struggle for air, and some despondency laced with thoughts of suicide; the pressure broke and a numbing calm took its place.  Rise above.  Find your way out.

I opened "My Documents" on my computer, opened my "Writings 2010" and "Meditations".  I was looking for, and found, an entry from March.   I don't remember what the issue was then, but I remember receiving it at a time something like this.  With the calm comes listening and receiving the Voice that comforts me. Sometimes I open a page and type what I hear.

I've been wanting to share this with you for some time.  It's one of the first that I decided to share from the personal writings that I don't really call mine, but gifts of guidance and love.  I guess now is the time.

March 2, 2010

Do you think that when you’re suffering I don’t feel it?  I do.  I am right there with you.  We are never separated.  I experience your suffering and your joy.  The difference is, I know it need not be. 

I cry for you.  I hurt with you.  But I cry for your needless “sacrifice”.  There is nothing you have done wrong.  There is nothing you need to punish yourself for.  If you choose to experience suffering, I will be there with you.

When you chose to leave suffering behind, I am also with you.
You can do whatever you choose.  You don’t have to make yourself into something different for me.  I accept you as you are.  I love you as you are.  I am with you, as you are, in all ways, in all moments.

The times that seem particularly difficult for you are those times that you do not recognize this.

There is always another choice.

You can move from suffering at any point you choose.

I don’t ask you to suffer.  I know you are perfect.

Love your life.  Experience all that there is for you.  I will be there.

You have done no wrong.  Nor has any other.  If you think you have, that they have, you are mistaken.  Let it go.  Let that thought go.  And choose another.  Getting caught up in thoughts of hate places you in a place of hate, pain and suffering.  Your choice.

But if you don’t “like” it, you can simply choose again.

And so I make the decision to choose again, believing there is One that loves me and Guides me, knowing that the trust I place will lead me beyond this place of pain. 

What if No one Answered?

Everywhere I turn, it's No.  Can't do that, won't work, invisible wall, brick wall, stop sign.

There's an alternative, a solution, for every problem they say.  The problem for me seems to be that for each alternative there is a reason it won't work, can't work, isn't the right time, or I simply don't have the ability.

I'm stuck - have been stuck - for almost 10 years now - staring at walls and wondering what I could do; if I could do, something, and how.  There isn't much.  The limitations I have placed upon myself, and continue to place upon myself, say No to most everything.

So I sit and draw upon the comfort of my bad habits, that only serve to keep me in this place.  Most days I say, "If I could only quit smoking."  "If I would make myself exercise."  "If I would eat better."  "If I had a job again, or something to give to others."  "Something to do for others, that would move me out of my own pity party."

Beyond the futility of my own self-imposed limitations (now real physical problems that prevent work or play in so many areas) is the reality of our day to day situation.  Frank's job requires that he be away from home.  The kids are gone and no longer need me.  I don't want them to need me.  I want them to have and create their own life - like all parents do.  And I want to create mine.  So when those times now occur that they seem to need me, I push them away, finally learning the lesson for myself that as grown adults they must make their own way, no matter how much I want to make it better for them.

So, Frank is not here.  The kids are not here.  Because of his job we've moved to a place unfamiliar to me - where I know no one.  And now his job is three hours away from that.  "Go out and be friendly.  Meet people.  It's not that hard,", they say.  It's always been hard for me - and now so even more.  I can't force myself to try anymore.

So I'm alone.  Day upon day of emptiness and loneliness.  No home that is my own anymore.  And the means and the timing to make a home again unknown and pretty much unavailable until who knows when.

Oh, what a pity party, huh?  Some days I sink into it.  Most days I really try hard not to.  I do.  I really do.  I find what I can to distract myself.  I think about others less fortunate.  I push to think the positive thoughts, begin again to work with the better habits, believe there is a reason and believe in myself.

Looking for - and finding - the positive, the interesting, the seemingly important, maybe even some reasons; I pass them along on Facebook.  I remember I have this blog.  I tell myself this is what I have, this is what I can give.  Some days that feels really right and important.

Other days I question whether it is - whether what I have to say has any meaning to people who are out in the world and living their lives - and figuring it out for themselves.  Or already have figured it out.  One day I spent an entire day on an entry that I thought was good - would be helpful - only to have Beth say:  "Well, DUH!"  Meaning I guess that everyone already knows and has moved beyond the things I sit and stew about.  So that entry got trashed.  And I haven't written for days since...

And depression has overtaken me again - for the last two days.  With nothing to do, nothing that could move me beyond it, and feeling totally lost, alone and worthless, hearing in my head that I have wasted 10 years like this - I returned to bed at 11:00 a.m. - feeling suicidal again; wishing I could just take a gun to my head.  Not that I really would.  I've felt that way many times over the years.  And I never have.  I don't want to die.  I just don't want to live like this.  I want all "this" to end.  I want to feel worth and feel I contribute to life, someone's life - beyond my husband's and children's - because they all have a life.  I'm the only one that doesn't seem to.


Having nothing, and seeming unable to move to anything, what I cling to... is God.  All the years of looking out through eyes of pain, of seeing, feeling and creating misery; I've asked God "Why" and asked for another way.

I've been answered.  Many many times I've been answered; in indirect ways - books, music, other people.  In very personal - direct ways - He has answered.  When I experience that knowing, what I want in the worst way is to share it - to let others know it is real and a real comfort from all the cares and backwards thinking of this world.

And so I write this blog, attempting to share it.   But mostly I haven't.  I'm still too unsure that anyone's listening, that what I'm giving has any meaning beyond another re-hash of my own insecurities and shortcomings.  Well, that's it I guess, today....

I am feeling insecure.  I am wondering whether this one thing that I try to convince myself that I have to give - that God wants me to give - is real, or just a figment of my imagination.  And so I thought about asking:  if what I do here has any worth, if what I do here is helpful or just a past-time for others - a distraction from their busy lives that really means nothing.

And then I thought:  "What if no one answered?"

And then I thought:  "It really doesn't matter."  Not that you, my reader, don't matter.  Giving to you is why I do this.  You are very important.  "It doesn't matter" because God has answered.

I don't know why my life is such as it is.  But I do know that I matter.  And I do know there is reason for me to be in this world.  And I do know God will show that to me day by day, regardless of the place I am in - emotionally or geographically.  I know that now and I want you to know it too.

God is real.  God loves you beyond measure.  You can do no wrong in His/Her eyes.  You have worth beyond measure simply because you exist and are a part of this loving God.

All this and more, God will show you too - will tell you - if you only ask and listen.

(In upcoming posts I will be sharing more of what God has shown me.  The writings are very personal, and very possibly subject to ridicule and rejection.  But so is this entire blog.  I believe it is what God wants me to do.  It is what I want and need to do.  And so it will be.)