Fourth Attempt

This is my fourth attempt in as many days to get a post out.  There are three unfinished posts sitting on my "dashboard".  For some reason the issues I face are keeping me from getting them done.  I guess I'm going to just highlight them here, because each is important to me.  I do hope I can get each of them completed at some point....

Post One:  I promised in my last post to speak of websites and blogs I have found that I found helpful when it came to mental illness.  But before I did that, I wanted to speak of the "terms" and "labels" that are used in talking about mental "illness".  I felt (and still somewhat feel) pressured to get some posts out, thinking that others are counting on me... and then the thoughts (that therapists and doctors will attribute to mental illness) start pressing in - that I have nothing to give... who am I to think I "know" anything..... that I actually don't know anything... blah, blah, blah...  And as I work to get the post done, I struggle to get it "perfectly right" - something I used to be able to do (I was an "A Student" once - a valued employee once) and the literal hours go by and it still isn't what I want it to be...

So that one got put aside.....

Post Two:  The next day Beth and I were talking about what I had found.  She became upset with me, that I am putting my focus on "mental illness" rather than trying to enjoy a "normal" life.  She began her push at me that she does every few months - that I need to go back on meds and see a therapist - so that I am not "crying all the time".  (I don't take meds now, haven't for a while, and don't really want to).  The "meds or no meds" argument is something I would like to explore in my blogs... I've found websites and blogs with both sides of the argument.  And so I tried to write a blog about the happening between Beth and I, but it was too new, too personal, and I was too upset... 

And so that post went unfinished....

Post Three:  It's Christmas.  And I wanted to post a Christmas Message to my blog readers, friends, and loved ones, in fact "everyone" in the world.  But again the confusion of mind, the jumble and just "too many" thoughts, the "who am I" and "what do I know or have to give" thoughts, the depression that has had me in a stranglehold again for the last few days... for I don't even know what reason.... only that it's deep and it robs me of my ability to do or care about anything....

And so that post is sitting, incomplete - filled with love, encouragement, and thankfulness that I want to express... but can't find the "right" words....

It's Christmas.  If you're alone, afraid, hurting - please know that there is someone that cares.  I am thinking of you with love.  It makes no difference that we've never met.  There is a Power in the Universe.  That Power is Ultimate Goodness and Love - that is in you and in me and always with us.  And I am sending that Love to you.

To all the new friends I've met on Facebook -  Thank you... and Blessings to you as you go forth in the New Year.  Let's do our part to make it a good year... filled with the best we can be...

Teach only LOVE, for that is what you Are.                                                 -  A Course in Miracles