Last evening my oldest son, Patrick, and I had a "discussion" that turned heated argument. This morning we're still avoiding each other.
It will come around. It always does, because of the love we have for each other. Sometimes I wish that result could come around sooner... BUT, we're working on it. Oh God, how we work on it! (lol)
In many ways we are so much the same. Intellectually we fully embrace the belief that we all can be more, that our world could be so much better if we made different choices - looked beyond our individual little lives, looked to the world, and refused to accept common modes of thinking and doing.
The trap for him and I is accepting our human-ness. I tell him that we must accept that we are spiritual beings living within this material world - and that its limitations are real - that we must accept ourselves and others when those limitations keep us from being/doing our highest ideal. He tells me he refuses to accept those limitations - for himself or anyone else - and that is why his intent is to choose the highest ideal he knows - in order to show others what is possible for us all.
Great ideals; wonderful intellectual/mental arguments...
Ahhh! "Arguments", yes.
The trap in these discussions of ours is allowing our fear-based egos to lead. We want the best for each other and the world. We each want the other to do and be "more" - so that the result of our life is not so apparently difficult, hurtful and painful. Fear of the world and the things it does.
In so many areas we think our life has been, and continues to be, difficult, hurtful, and painful. The "tough" in us says: "Welcome to the world. Deal with it. Cope and move on." That's a line that I often throw at him when he talks about how hard life is. The "belittler" says: "You are weak - your painful, difficult life is the result of your weakness". That's the line he throws at me.
OUCH! I would call none of this "good". Patrick calls it "personal attack". So do I. We are a microcosm of the world we fear.
So, how to "cope"? How to move beyond perceptions of limited and weak - to see our world differently?
We're both saying the same thing. We both believe we are trying to "help" the other (and the world) by doing so. But we're really just scared - as are so many.
One truism states that you cannot really "help" another. They must help themselves. They will learn the lesson, change the thinking and actions that produce a less perfect result "when they are ready". Until that day they accept their own ways, yes, accept them, in order to accept themselves. Often we tell ourselves its all we can or want to do at this time. And sometimes the world beats us up for it. Sometimes we beat ourself up over it. But always, something within tells us we don't deserve to be beat up - by anyone.
We, on the other hand, in looking at these things - can perhaps change our perspective. What are the terms good, perfect, strong, limited, successful anyway? A value judgment - that we each individually make. And that, we are told is, where such judgments are best left - within the individual to decide. Not for us to decide for another.
I said at the top of this that it will come around - because we love each other. We choose to love one another - eventually. And when you do that, your perspective changes from one of fear - to the recognition that all is well - or will be - or can be - if we just love.
When you look with love, the argument doesn't matter. Weakness, limitation, pain, hurt - they are all just bullshit terms used to defend and attack. We don't really want to attack anyone. It hurts.
Love (the Highest spiritual ideal - that I see as "God") doesn't attack.
Love doesn't hurt - it heals. Love does accept. Love says I accept you - as you are. You can be more - or you can be less. They're really just bullshit terms that you decide the value of. I created you to be ALL OF IT!
You can be whatever you wish. If what you do no longer serves you or the world, you can be sure things will change - you will change your mind - or the world at large might change theirs. Doesn't matter..
Because until that day...
I will love you as the perfect creation that you are.
And that's all we really can do for one another.... Sometimes we're just confused as to what love means.
But in our heart of hearts, we know.
From Osho this morning:
I accept all that you are. I accept all that you are not, even that too.
You are accepted whatsoever you are, and you are accepted whatsoever you are not. You are accepted in totality.
From my side there is no question of denying anything, but of transforming it.....
I love you Patrick. Thank you for being in my world.