Do you feel the eyes of the judgmental world upon you? I know I always have. It's a very large part of "my insecurity". I was embarrassed about what I looked like and areas where I was "inept". I didn't measure up...
People used to say: "You shouldn't feel like that". But I did. Eventually I came to own it, I wore it, like a thing. It came to define me, more and more, as others saw it too, pointed it out, and I claimed it, as yet another character flaw.
Insecurity - unsure of who you are, what you are, what you do; and most especially, unsure of the world and the people who make it up around you. So I spent a lot of time alone - reading, questioning, asking for answers, quite often in pain.
I've written that I've spent years in that place and that recently the decision to make some changes seems real. Along with "mental illness" I've decided to no longer "wear" "my" insecurity. Insecurity is nothing but an idea. It is an idea that I can "take off" just as I "put it on" for all those years. Either way, it is NOT ME! I've read a lot of books, considered a lot of thoughts, but two books that I've recently read helped to finally solidify large parts of all that. They gave me the sense of personal and spiritual security that I've been seeking my entire life. Many others have come before, but these finally did it for me.
I call them controversial in the title of this post for a couple of reasons. First, they are both said to be "channeled". If you don't know about channeling, or want to know why I believe it, you can read that further on down the post. If you can't consider the concept of channeling, then you probably don't need to read any more of this.
I'm not going to make huge claims on these books. They may not resonate with you like they did for me. Whatever you think, I'd enjoy chatting with anyone about them, and I do encourage you to give them a try.
The first is channeled by JZ Knight who channels the spirit of Ramtha, both of whom appear in the award winning documentary What the Bleep Do We Know. If you've never watched What the Bleep, I very highly suggest you watch that first. What the Bleep is, in itself, very controversial. Many of today's scientists call it "pseudo-science"... but then.... new thinking is often disparaged by the old. Remember Galileo? I'd invite you to make up your own opinion, if you're a person that dares to do that.
The JZ Knight book is simply entitled "Ramtha" or "The White Book". The link is a Google "shopping" search showing several used copies available on the web. (I hope the link stays true. If not, just do your own.) Whether or not you believe in Ramtha the wording, imagery, concepts, and ideas are awe inspiring and uplifting.
The second book is entitled "The Thomas Book" by Bruce Fraser MacDonald, PhD. I call it controversial here not because it is channeled but because the author included in it so much of his own personal conflict surrounding the events of writing the book and in getting the book published. Dr. MacDonald states that he had a near death experience that required years of rehab and meditation. Through the meditation he came into contact with Didymos Judas Thomas, said by some to be the twin brother of Jesus. "The Thomas Book" is said to be Didymos Judas Thomas relating his new "gospel" of what really happened when he was a disciple/contemporary of Jesus the Christ.
Sound way out there? You ain't heard nothin yet! There's much more that I won't go into here. The controversy surrounding this book has me conflicted, as a long time student of "A Course in Miracles" (which also has something to do with the book). Yet I find the Thomas Gospel uplifting, confirming, and believable.
If you can get by all that, "The Thomas Book" itself (which is the latter half of the book) is tremendous. I recommend that you leave the first half to LAST. In my opinion, the personal drama takes much away from the story that is supposed to be the point of the book. I won't give that story away here. Let me just say: Be prepared to have much of what you previously believed challenged..... And Prepare for strong feelings of Love and Security.
(For your info, the Thomas Book is only available through the website (link) I provided.)
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Now... About "Channeling"
I've come to accept many different concepts than those I started out with as a young girl. I've always believed that our Soul survives - early religious upbringing. But now I believe in reincarnation. I believe our soul survives and continues through many lifetimes. And I believe time is relative. And I believe "thoughts are things".
I first learned of that idea through the Edgar Cayce material. Then came Louise Hay and Unity and all manner of New Age/New Thought teachers and metaphysical studies. I learned that "psychic" is not evil, but means "of the soul"; and that those with psychic gifts very often have them because they have developed a deep connection with "gifts of the Spirit". So all things psychic became a part of the learning.
Psychic beliefs conclude that there are all manner of "planes of existence". And contrary to what many start out thinking, psychic/spiritual beliefs more often than not are based around all that is good in the Universe. So a belief in ghosts? Yes. Belief that they are always evil? NO. Belief in Angels? Yes. Belief in survival of the Spirit/ the Soul? ABSOLUTELY.
Belief that all these exist only in the "heavenly realms" where we have no access? NO. Psychic/Spiritual beliefs say that the planes of existence and all those who dwell within them are all around us, all the time. Psychic/spiritual beliefs state that we have access through prayer, meditation, and other states of awareness, such as sleep. When we "tune in" we receive psychic/spiritual impressions and assistance all the time.
That is how "mediums" access others. Most people know that nowadays. Another concept beyond Mediums is that of "channeling". Channeling means that the "receivers" have the ability to move their personal ego/consciousness aside, or even completely leave their body, so that another entity (or consciousness) may take over the writing tablet, keyboard, or even the entire body.
Somewhat muddy is the concept of what I call "Direct Communication". Some people receive "blocks of thoughts/concepts" - such as Esther Hicks of Abraham-Hicks or Neale Donald Walsch who wrote the Conversations With God series. I distinguish these from those who receive word for word dictation such as is said to the be case with Helen Schumann, the scribe of A Course in Miracles. Although Esther is said to "channel" Abraham when she speaks, she states she receives as "blocks of thought/concepts" and I don't believe Neale ever stated that he received word for word "dictation", though I may be wrong...
So, yes, after years of study and personal experiences, I do believe in all of the above. I also believe that all of the above links provide a wealth of knowledge and potential for personal and spiritual growth. I invite you to check out those that interest you and happy exploring!
Love and Blessings,
P
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Sunday, May 9, 2010
Happy Mother's Day
Happy Mother's Day!
It's 6:40 AM. I don't have much time. I'm headed for New Hampshire to share a Mother's Day meal with my Mom and Dad. A three hour trip, and it's SNOWING! May 9th... only in Vermont! Gotta love it....
I haven't seen Mom in two years. Very strange. Her love is unconditional. Always has been. I was the one that broke the bond, created the "issue".
It's time... way beyond the time... to let it go.
Sometimes it seems life brings troubles TO us, that other people and circumstances are the reason. That's an easy out to justify the pain associated with any crisis.
For the longest while, that just meant moving the blame from "them" to ME. Didn't feel any better. Often felt worse. Life in hell as a nightmare continued.
Then I decided to return to Who I've always been, What I've always believed, and to honor my life's path by including What I've learned along the way.
I've learned that: What we focus on, we become.
A review of the painful areas of my life and the resulting depression, despondency and hardships certainly proves that to me.
Another lesson learned along the way: Regardless of the circumstance or how it comes to you, it is always your perception and thought that determines its value. You place the "good" or "bad" aspects, you decide what you will "hold on to", what you will embrace as the outcome.
I've given up focusing on hell. Sure, it's still a journey. But the good news is: Life is not static. It's constantly changing. Thank the Good Lord for that! The "hell" of this moment can and WILL be replaced by Heaven on Earth, if you make the decision to ask for it.
There is Good in everything. All That Is is always working towards the Good. My decision is to embrace the fact that I do believe that, to seek assistance and Guidance from within and beyond, and to create a new expectation of the Joy of Life.
When that is what I focus on, the proof of that outcome has also always been revealed to me.
It's all about the Love, baby; for myself and the woman who bore me. Today I go to share in that Love once again and offer it in return. Nothing else matters.
Gloria Mae Moulton Hanchett taught me that, many many years ago.
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
On Slowing Down and Quiet Contemplation
This evening I've spent almost an hour in quiet contemplation of what I might next post here. I decided it would be how wonderful that feels, to have come to a place where I can slowly and calmly contemplate life (or anything!)
In 1982, I began college. I had three babies at the time. Patrick was 4, Bethany 2 1/2, and Neil one. One morning as I prepared to leave, my niece (who babysat) commented on how my hands were shaking. This was the first time I remember someone else consciously noticing and mentioning that fact that I was becoming more and more familiar with. We put it down to too much coffee.
Over the years the shaking hands became a trademark of my anxiety. Whenever any situation began to make me uncomfortable or upset, it was very clearly seen in my shaky hands. As it became more prevalent, so did my fear that my emotional discomfort was "showing all over me". And indeed it was.
Last week, while visiting my therapist and discussing just "what" we might work on... he was quick to notice my shaking hands and state of anxiety. His response was to begin with teaching me diaphragmatic breathing. This is where you breathe from you belly, using the diaphragm, rather than from the chest. Oh my Goodness! What a difference this has made for me this week!
Diaphragmatic breathing is also a known practice in meditation and yoga, so some may already be well aware of it. If you're not, and interested in more info, check out the link above and also the following link, from a Yoga site: http://www.swamij.com/diaphragmatic-breathing.htm. But I warn you on this one, there a quite a few pictures of the interior of the body, which made me a little uncomfortable. But then I'm squeamish... Maybe others aren't... and the info is great.
So, that is one thing that I believe has helped lead to this state of calm quiet. The other is a set of meditation CDs that I bought. These are not your normal meditation tapes of guided imagery or light music. These CDs actually incorporate light background sound designed to balance brain waves to help you reach the various states associated with meditation and sleep (or pre-sleep).
Always a little bit skeptical when it comes to advertised products, I was somewhat unsure of whether I believed the product could or would, in fact, deliver what it claimed. I have no basis of "proof" to offer you, other than the fact (which for me is huge) that I have noticed a very clear difference in how I "feel" throughout the day. I am much more calm and relaxed. When worries or other such thoughts enter my mind, and the potential for anxiety is there, I am able to return back to calm quickly and easily.
I enjoy the CDs, which are actually the sound of running, cascading water, such as from a rain storm or from a brook or small waterfall. If you'd like to check them out for yourself, the website is:
http://www.eocinstitute.org/
All I can say is: How wonderful it feels to have spent an hour in slow, deliberate, calm, and quiet contemplation of what this blog entry might be, rather than frantic scattered thoughts.
And now, it's time for bed and a relaxed sleep...
I hope your day was good, and if not, that tomorrow will be.... awesome!
Blessings,
Pam
In 1982, I began college. I had three babies at the time. Patrick was 4, Bethany 2 1/2, and Neil one. One morning as I prepared to leave, my niece (who babysat) commented on how my hands were shaking. This was the first time I remember someone else consciously noticing and mentioning that fact that I was becoming more and more familiar with. We put it down to too much coffee.
Over the years the shaking hands became a trademark of my anxiety. Whenever any situation began to make me uncomfortable or upset, it was very clearly seen in my shaky hands. As it became more prevalent, so did my fear that my emotional discomfort was "showing all over me". And indeed it was.
Last week, while visiting my therapist and discussing just "what" we might work on... he was quick to notice my shaking hands and state of anxiety. His response was to begin with teaching me diaphragmatic breathing. This is where you breathe from you belly, using the diaphragm, rather than from the chest. Oh my Goodness! What a difference this has made for me this week!
Diaphragmatic breathing is also a known practice in meditation and yoga, so some may already be well aware of it. If you're not, and interested in more info, check out the link above and also the following link, from a Yoga site: http://www.swamij.com/diaphragmatic-breathing.htm. But I warn you on this one, there a quite a few pictures of the interior of the body, which made me a little uncomfortable. But then I'm squeamish... Maybe others aren't... and the info is great.
So, that is one thing that I believe has helped lead to this state of calm quiet. The other is a set of meditation CDs that I bought. These are not your normal meditation tapes of guided imagery or light music. These CDs actually incorporate light background sound designed to balance brain waves to help you reach the various states associated with meditation and sleep (or pre-sleep).
Always a little bit skeptical when it comes to advertised products, I was somewhat unsure of whether I believed the product could or would, in fact, deliver what it claimed. I have no basis of "proof" to offer you, other than the fact (which for me is huge) that I have noticed a very clear difference in how I "feel" throughout the day. I am much more calm and relaxed. When worries or other such thoughts enter my mind, and the potential for anxiety is there, I am able to return back to calm quickly and easily.
I enjoy the CDs, which are actually the sound of running, cascading water, such as from a rain storm or from a brook or small waterfall. If you'd like to check them out for yourself, the website is:
http://www.eocinstitute.org/
All I can say is: How wonderful it feels to have spent an hour in slow, deliberate, calm, and quiet contemplation of what this blog entry might be, rather than frantic scattered thoughts.
And now, it's time for bed and a relaxed sleep...
I hope your day was good, and if not, that tomorrow will be.... awesome!
Blessings,
Pam
Monday, May 3, 2010
Transition
Hello Everyone!!
In the month since I've last posted, life has been.... hmmmm.. Interesting shall we say :) There's been much transition and much introspection... often good.. sometimes uncomfortable...
The uncomfortable is not something I wish to focus on any longer.... at least not here. When it is necessary, or seems to grab me, I'm working on it, and I'm releasing the fear associated with so many things. It can often feel like baby steps... but it's steps being taken none the less... and I'm very happy with that.
Much of the introspection has been about transition; the changes in life that sometimes seem to usher in whole new chapters. At those times we look at where we've been, we think about where we're going, but we realize we are starting from Now... this moment. And this moment is good. All that we have been has brought us here and all that we are now will bring us into the future. We build our lives moment by moment.
The beginnings of this blog focused on mental illness. I state in my profile that I'm "disabled" by reason of anxiety, depression, and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Hefty terms and labels. I focused on those because I wished to own the fact that this has been a part of my life. I wanted to address and face the stigma associated with mental illness, not only from others, but mostly from within my own self. I used the blog as a "coming out"; to reinforce for myself that I will no longer be embarrassed and ashamed that this has been a part of my life, or is a part of others' lives.
The transition that has occurred recently is that I have made the decision to say: I will no longer define myself by the labels of "disabled" or "mentally ill".
I recognize and honor the work of the mental health community. I recognize its necessity in our lives for overall well-being. I will continue to participate in those aspects that assist me in my life, my daughter's life, and the lives of others; but I will no longer let mental illness be the defining factor OF my life. (Or the main focus of this blog)
Oh my Goodness! It feels like I'm "orating" again....
My oldest son Patrick says I "love to orate". And you know what? YES I do! But I've decided that's okay. Whereas I was upset with the thought that I verbosely talk at people, I've always seen it as dialoguing, discussing, and most importantly, Sharing. It's the sharing that I love.
Much of my "introspection" has (for years) been spent looking at the past, and now recently looking at those things that I have learned and explored for all those years. The transition Now is that I have made the decision to honor who I am. And (Oh wonder of wonders!) be OKAY with who I am.
"I Am"
I guess I'll always be a student, and I'll always love the study... But in recent years it seems even my level of doing had ground to a stand-still. Life became stagnant because I saw my experiences, my life, myself as unacceptable; never reaching some self-imposed standard of becoming all the things I am not. I've spent much time beating myself up over "not being out in the world, doing" and "not actively applying" the things that I've studied and examined - to become a "better person" emotionally, physically, and spiritually.
In recent weeks I have made a transition. I am ready to move forward with life. I am ready to "do" and to "apply". But it's no longer because there's something wrong with me, there's something I need to become or do. Today I am Okay with me. Personally I believe that is the difference that will make everything else (to whatever degree) possible.
I do believe I came to that understanding through my "study" of all these years and the experiences that it brought about. That study has been of all manner of psychology, self-help, spiritual and philosophical theories, ideologies, processes, and programs.
In the future of this blog I'd like to share some of those things with you. In this transition even my reasons for "sharing" have changed. I used to feel that I needed to figure it all out and give what I'd learned to others, in case they were "in need" of fixing too.
I haven't figured it out and your life doesn't need fixing. Neither does mine. What I've explored, learned, and accepted may mean nothing to you. But it is Who I am, what I "DO", and what I ENJOY.
And I do hope you will enjoy it too. And maybe if you decide that any of it has worth for you or adds to your life, you'll continue to follow my blog. That would be great too :)
Sharing ourselves and what brings us joy, now that is what life is all about! Oh my God, this is huge!
lol lol lol
Can you tell I'm happy?
In the month since I've last posted, life has been.... hmmmm.. Interesting shall we say :) There's been much transition and much introspection... often good.. sometimes uncomfortable...
The uncomfortable is not something I wish to focus on any longer.... at least not here. When it is necessary, or seems to grab me, I'm working on it, and I'm releasing the fear associated with so many things. It can often feel like baby steps... but it's steps being taken none the less... and I'm very happy with that.
Much of the introspection has been about transition; the changes in life that sometimes seem to usher in whole new chapters. At those times we look at where we've been, we think about where we're going, but we realize we are starting from Now... this moment. And this moment is good. All that we have been has brought us here and all that we are now will bring us into the future. We build our lives moment by moment.
The beginnings of this blog focused on mental illness. I state in my profile that I'm "disabled" by reason of anxiety, depression, and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Hefty terms and labels. I focused on those because I wished to own the fact that this has been a part of my life. I wanted to address and face the stigma associated with mental illness, not only from others, but mostly from within my own self. I used the blog as a "coming out"; to reinforce for myself that I will no longer be embarrassed and ashamed that this has been a part of my life, or is a part of others' lives.
The transition that has occurred recently is that I have made the decision to say: I will no longer define myself by the labels of "disabled" or "mentally ill".
I recognize and honor the work of the mental health community. I recognize its necessity in our lives for overall well-being. I will continue to participate in those aspects that assist me in my life, my daughter's life, and the lives of others; but I will no longer let mental illness be the defining factor OF my life. (Or the main focus of this blog)
Oh my Goodness! It feels like I'm "orating" again....
My oldest son Patrick says I "love to orate". And you know what? YES I do! But I've decided that's okay. Whereas I was upset with the thought that I verbosely talk at people, I've always seen it as dialoguing, discussing, and most importantly, Sharing. It's the sharing that I love.
Much of my "introspection" has (for years) been spent looking at the past, and now recently looking at those things that I have learned and explored for all those years. The transition Now is that I have made the decision to honor who I am. And (Oh wonder of wonders!) be OKAY with who I am.
"I Am"
- a person most comfortable in my quiet little space, focused on singular activities
- a person who loves to see others succeed.
- a person who loves to share the infinite possibilities of anything and everything that contributes to our life, well-being, joy, and success
I guess I'll always be a student, and I'll always love the study... But in recent years it seems even my level of doing had ground to a stand-still. Life became stagnant because I saw my experiences, my life, myself as unacceptable; never reaching some self-imposed standard of becoming all the things I am not. I've spent much time beating myself up over "not being out in the world, doing" and "not actively applying" the things that I've studied and examined - to become a "better person" emotionally, physically, and spiritually.
In recent weeks I have made a transition. I am ready to move forward with life. I am ready to "do" and to "apply". But it's no longer because there's something wrong with me, there's something I need to become or do. Today I am Okay with me. Personally I believe that is the difference that will make everything else (to whatever degree) possible.
I do believe I came to that understanding through my "study" of all these years and the experiences that it brought about. That study has been of all manner of psychology, self-help, spiritual and philosophical theories, ideologies, processes, and programs.
In the future of this blog I'd like to share some of those things with you. In this transition even my reasons for "sharing" have changed. I used to feel that I needed to figure it all out and give what I'd learned to others, in case they were "in need" of fixing too.
I haven't figured it out and your life doesn't need fixing. Neither does mine. What I've explored, learned, and accepted may mean nothing to you. But it is Who I am, what I "DO", and what I ENJOY.
And I do hope you will enjoy it too. And maybe if you decide that any of it has worth for you or adds to your life, you'll continue to follow my blog. That would be great too :)
Sharing ourselves and what brings us joy, now that is what life is all about! Oh my God, this is huge!
lol lol lol
Can you tell I'm happy?
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