Monday, September 17, 2012

Everything Old is New Again

This morning I posted to Facebook a link to an entry from two years ago entitled "Transitions".  In that entry I said I was no longer going to define myself as 'mentally ill' and by the specific labels placed upon me by that diagnosis.

hmmmm.... It seems that didn't happen, as I realize I still label myself as such, using PTSD as a convenient explanation for who I am, what I am, where I am, and the things I do; if I feel uncomfortable with any of it.  Usually I tell myself I am doing that because I want to be an advocate for the world to have a better understanding of all those labeled, feared, and languishing under the effects of mental illness.

For a few years now I have bemoaned those areas that contribute not only to my apparent mental illness but physical illness as well - my inability to take a walk outside alone because of panic feelings, feeling worthless because I no longer work an outside job or keep up with normal household chores, being overweight, and smoking, and the health issues those bring.

I realize mentally (and have for some time) that a big part of 'mental illness' for anyone is a lack of love for oneself.  We use all kinds of means to justify the places we apparently fall short - blaming others and the world at large being a big one that is used, condoned, and even encouraged by some today.

Life is continually changing and evolving but sometimes seeming to cycle right back to the same point - the same issues that make our life.  I've been to all kinds of doctors, counselors, done the tests and pills, looked at diets and plans and systems for overcoming my various mental and physical illnesses.

I've also spent 25+ years in active searching for a spiritual understanding of it all. Today (this day) feels good - 'happy', calm, and ripe with possibilities.  Nothing has changed with my list of issues - I'm still overweight, I still smoke, I still can't take a walk alone outside, and the dishes are in the sink.

But today I am feeling the effects of Spirit being active once again in my life.  Over the 25 years of seeking answers I have touched and been touched by the Light and Love that is the truth of our being.  I've wanted to shout from the rooftops the comfort, security and healing that brings.  Yet, how to reconcile the 'littleness' that I am with the enormity of that to others?  And so I have often stopped short.

Spirit has been nudging me for some years now to be an advocate not for my littleness but for the grandeur of our true essence.  Neither my true essence (or yours) is defined by the littleness we place upon ourselves.  Spirit will never do that, and has shown me such in a very healing way recently.

Let me share with you now a small piece of what was given to me from Spirit that has allowed me to accept all of my apparent littleness.  In future blogs I will share more.

Divine intuition/communication is subtle.  You don't really need to record concrete evidence.  Your life will continue much as it always has.  There doesn't need be any big revelations - no big changes.  You may not quit smoking.  Then again you might (gentle chuckle).  Your life will just be enhanced with the grace and LOVE of the Divine.  We are here to help - never ever to judge or hurt you in any way.  Relax.  Breathe.  It's ok.  You're ok.  Just Be Pam.  And let us be with you.  All will be well.
 In prior blog entries I occasionally touched on the area of Divine communication and interaction within our lives.  Maybe the above doesn't seem like much to you - the doubters will always discount.  But it (and other things) have given me a strong sense of healing - because of the love that has accompanied them.  Communication with the Divine will always be known as such because its non-judgmental tone.  In future entries I hope to devote this blog not to my littleness (or yours) but to the ways that the Divine is or can be active in our lives and the healing that is found there.

Many blessings,

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